mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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