Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
