i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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