my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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