glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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