no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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