I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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