You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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