Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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