You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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