I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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