That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
