this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
