Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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