Sry I called you an 8
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
