We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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