she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
