Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
