you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
