someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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