Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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