Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
