Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
