Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
