when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
