I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
