Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
