apparently the secret to your success is patron
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
