We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
