I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
