dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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