that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
