I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
