OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize