I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
