Kiss
Puke
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
