ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
