Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
