I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
