Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
