dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize