you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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