I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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