Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
