She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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