I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Will exercising make me less horny?
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