he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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