So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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