yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize