she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
