i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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