I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
