Someone shit on the floor
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I forget how to act sober
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
