we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
