This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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