HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize