So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
