So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is this like a preordered booty call?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
