Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
COCAINE IS GR8
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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