I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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