He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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