it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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