oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
