Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
