and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
