What a fucking waste of an outfit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
