Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
