i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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