If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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