dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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