So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sarcasm needs its own font
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
