we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
