I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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