the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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