My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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