Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
