No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
