I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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