Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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