im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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