oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
