I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Boobs speak an international language.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
