Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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