Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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