could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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