Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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