hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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