Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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