just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
