it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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