Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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