Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
