Dual....:-)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize