I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
