My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
