she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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