I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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